Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Getting old sucks! Like today, I was going out for a morning swim in front of my Lake Okeechobee summer home, when a big gray old woman swam up to me. As she quietly floated there, I thought to myself, “Hmm, this woman smells not so much like fish as she does like some fish died all over her. I’m sold!” It was as good of a time as any to give her a smooch.
Her mustache wasn’t as full as mine, which was a plus, and she wasn’t resisting or calling Med-Alert. How was I supposed to know that I was kissing a manatee? Goddamn Diabetic Retinopathy! At least having Glaucoma would give me bags of that green stuff those flannel-wearing kids keep smoking on my veranda.