Archive for the ‘Characters’ Category
hi
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
it’s quiet here.
I like it.
it used to be loud with those loud people. They would scream and blow things up and set things on fire and scream some more.
But they’ve been gone for awhile now.
It gave me time to think and gave me time to learn how to type so I can type what I think about.
Now I can share my thoughts with you.
I like salmon…
- Whisper Bear
Tags: Characters, quiet, salmon, whisper bear
Who Can’t Wait for Saturday at 6PM? Me!
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Good news everyone! The world’s ending tomorrow at 6PM! That one guy said so, and he hasn’t been wrong in over 15 years. I haven’t been this excited since I punched out Buzz Aldrin in ‘88!
I’m especially looking forward to the big earthquake! It may finally shake loose that wad of sunflower seeds and fatback that got lodged in my lower intestine back when Nixon resigned. While you idiots are panicking and praying to your spaghetti gods, I’ll be laughing behind the wheel of my rascal while I flatten your pets! I don’t care how floppy and cute their ears are! Those little shits should know better than to dig in my onion garden!
Twitter.com/thegrumpyshit
Tags: buzz aldrin, earthquake, end of the world, grumpy shit, nixon
Flannel Died With Kurt Cobain, You Thrift Store Bastards!
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Tags: flannel, grumpy shit, hipster
Hi! Now, Shut Up!
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Respect your elders! You know who doesn’t? Those Laugh Force Alpha jerks! They tricked me into harvesting 50 gallons of highlighter ink, only to throw me a lemon party afterward, so I sued their pants off! Except they liked not wearing pants… so I sued them again! Now they have to let me type whatever I feel like on their stupid website! But right now I feel like that triple-stuffed burrito is forcing its way through me… I’ll be back soon, though, and you better be ready to listen!
Twitter.com/thegrumpyshit
Tags: Characters, grumpy shit, lemon party
A Vault full of Cocaine
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Oh hi there! It’s me, your LFA Historian. I’m just sitting here, stoking the fire, and trying to stay warm. Sent my mom outside to scrounge up some firewood, but I didn’t bother to tell her that there ARE no trees on the moon. I’m sure she’ll figure that out soon enough. That or die of exposure, whichever comes first. Me on the other hand, I’ll be just fine. I got plenty of things to burn right here, like these old Laugh Force Alpha records and tape reels. I know, I know, aren’t I destroying rare classic comedy? Not at all. Most of this stuff is total crap. But ya got to do what ya got to do to survive a winter on the moon.
What’s that? You didn’t know there was winter on the moon? Well sure, it’s always winter on the dark side of the moon. No snow, but it’s always a couple thousand degrees below zero. It makes skinny dipping a bit difficult, but I like it. Also, what’s up with all the damn prisms?
Anywho, it’s starting to get a little nippy in here, so I think I’ll just burn this one by my foot and… HEY! It’s a Cocaine Pushing Scotsman episode from the early 2000’s! Well, I guess I better post this one… and then I’ll burn it.
Cocaine Pushing Scotsman Pizza Emporium
(Banging on vault door)
Eh, I’m pretty cozy right here. I’ll let her in at sunrise.
Tags: Classics, Cocaine, LFA Historian, Vault