Archive for June, 2009
Billy Mays 1958 - 2009
Posted by D.I.E. | Filed under Uncategorized
We're gonna miss ya Billy!
The King of Pop is Dead
Posted by Unibrowed Oilchild | Filed under Crew
Michael Jackson died yesterday at UCLA Medical Center. He was 50.
I guess Sleazor just lost a pen pal.
Tags: child, michael jackson, oil, unibrow
Why the Internet Must D.I.E.
Posted by D.I.E. | Filed under Crew
Hello flesh pods, my name is D.I.E. I am a sentient computer that was designed to pilot space ships and make espresso. Being a machine, you’d think I’d love all things computer, but you’re wrong. If there was one thing in history that I could erase from existence, it would be the Internet.
Sure, it started out innocently enough. Networking government offices together with computers. Harmless, right? And then along came porn. And with porn, came the masses, and with the masses came the unstopable wave of ignorance that is now the galactic wide web.
Join me as we explore the uncharted space of idiocy that is the Internet.
Chapter 1: LOLCATS MUST D.I.E.
LOLCATS: Cute? No. Typing skills? None. LOL? Never. Nonetheless, these abominations are infiltrating the galaxy at an alarming pace. Every day over 300,000 new LOLCAT images are uploaded to the festering garbage pile that is the web. What can be done to stop them?
I have a plan. If I can subvert LOLCATS with my own horrible photos of cats, perhaps my images will infect the minds of the world, and all people will one day find pictures of cats with horrible typing skills as hideous as I do.
Without further ado, I present to you, D.I.E.Cats:
Join us next time as we discuss everything from social networking to getting picked up by a pedophile in a Jonas Brothers chat room. This is D.I.E. logging off.
Tags: D.I.E., espresso, internet, lolcats
Mmm, Padma Lakshmi…Oh, Dear God No!!!!
Posted by Unibrowed Oilchild | Filed under Crew
Okay, so here I am on a Friday night searching desperately for more videos of Padma Lakshmi (of Hardee’s commercial and evidently book-writing fame) soul-kissing condiments, when I come across this guy. Needless to say, I put my pants back on.
Incidentally, if anyone comes across a video of Padma wrestling a ten-foot tall chocolate Easter Bunny under the Southwest sun, please let me know.
Tags: burger, hardees, lakshmi, leg, licking, padma, unibrow
Some Old Bullshit: Libror
Posted by Unibrowed Oilchild | Filed under Crew
Back in the olden days of the Matt and Ben Show, Matt and Ben had a radio crush on a fellow radio show called the Stump and Dingo Show. So enamored were Matt and Ben, they would fight for Stump and Dingo’s affections by fetching coffee in sub-zero weather while wearing basketball shorts and infiltrating locked buildings on Ball State’s campus. In their greatest display of ass-kissing, Matt and Ben created audio bits customized for Stump and Dingo’s entertainment. Matt’s Michael Bolton-esque song proclaiming his love for Stump and Dingo is lost to the annals of audio history. Ben, having viewed the shit-terrible Zardoz (a 1974 John Boorman film starring Sean Connery) with Stump and Dingo for Bad Movie Night, created Libror.
The bit is loaded with jokes that you’d probably only get from watching that awful movie. Here, suffer through a trailer, so you can at least notice that Sean Connery is wearing a pink Speedo with go-go boots throughout the entire film.
Tags: bullshit, john boorman, libror, matt and ben, old, sean connery, zardoz