Good news everyone!  The world’s ending tomorrow at 6PM!  That one guy said so, and he hasn’t been wrong in over 15 years.  I haven’t been this excited since I punched out Buzz Aldrin in ‘88!

I’m especially looking forward to the big earthquake!  It may finally shake loose that wad of sunflower seeds and fatback that got lodged in my lower intestine back when Nixon resigned.  While you idiots are panicking and praying to your spaghetti gods, I’ll be laughing behind the wheel of my rascal while I flatten your pets!  I don’t care how floppy and cute their ears are!  Those little shits should know better than to dig in my onion garden!

Twitter.com/thegrumpyshit

The Church of Latter Day Juggalos has announced that THEY TOO believe the world will end tomorrow. They’ve also advised everyone to stock up on Faygo, as it will be the new currency in the coming post-apocalyptic clown-scape.

Download the mp3 here:  Old Spice Dry Rubs

Here what all the critics who were forced to watch this movie because it’s their job think about Hollywood’s latest action blockbuster!

Fast Five Reviews Trailer

Respect your elders! You know who doesn’t? Those Laugh Force Alpha jerks! They tricked me into harvesting 50 gallons of highlighter ink, only to throw me a lemon party afterward, so I sued their pants off! Except they liked not wearing pants… so I sued them again! Now they have to let me type whatever I feel like on their stupid website! But right now I feel like that triple-stuffed burrito is forcing its way through me… I’ll be back soon, though, and you better be ready to listen!

Twitter.com/thegrumpyshit

Well, children, it’s that time of the year again, and nothin’ gets me nose a twingin’ like the sight and the smell of all that fresh powder falling from the sky on the night before X-Mas.  It being that generous season, I want to tell ye a story about my childhood.  It’s the only present you’re gettin’ from ME this year, so count yer fuckin’ blessings ya filthy twaters!

Cocaine Pushing Scotsman: The Origin

Merry X-Mas ya bastards!

What’s with all of these UN delegates aboard the Fortress of Laughitude? Don’t they realize that misfortune befalls the “guests” of this place? Perhaps, they’ve come to their senses and are finally pulling the plug on this operation? Wait a minute. What’s that noise? It’s muffled screaming… very nasally muffled screaming. The Unibrowed Oil Child must be having another temper tantrum. Ah well, better check it out. It might be connected…

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Frank Jones, smitten with his lovely new robot wife, V.A.L., sings her a post coital love ballad that ended up on our cutting room floor.

V.A.L.: A Love Song

Enjoy, and please stay tuned this Friday for Episode 8 of Laugh Force Alpha featuring the thrilling conclusion of Frank Jones and his robo-spouse!