What’s with all of these UN delegates aboard the Fortress of Laughitude? Don’t they realize that misfortune befalls the “guests” of this place? Perhaps, they’ve come to their senses and are finally pulling the plug on this operation? Wait a minute. What’s that noise? It’s muffled screaming… very nasally muffled screaming. The Unibrowed Oil Child must be having another temper tantrum. Ah well, better check it out. It might be connected…

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Frank Jones, smitten with his lovely new robot wife, V.A.L., sings her a post coital love ballad that ended up on our cutting room floor.

V.A.L.: A Love Song

Enjoy, and please stay tuned this Friday for Episode 8 of Laugh Force Alpha featuring the thrilling conclusion of Frank Jones and his robo-spouse!

Hey kids, the conclusion of Frank Jones and his new Robo-wife comes out this Friday, but here’s part one again, just to keep you in the know.   It’s robo-licous!   PREPARE FOR DATA TRANSFER!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUPehJbHaZ0

Howdy there folks, it’s me, your LFA Historian, and gee whiz am I scared outta my wits this time.  Found a new vault to explore, but it’s the creepiest damn stairway I ever saw, and I got no way to defend myself.  If only I had a gun and not just some old Laugh Force Alpha sketch ABOUT guns.  Oh well, this’ll have to do…

A Gun-Brought to you by Scrotco

…then again, I guess I could always send my Mom down there first.  HEY MOM!  There’s balloons… all colors down there.  Why doncha  head on down and get yourself a few dozen!   Do they float?  Yes indeed they do.

Oh hi there! It’s me, your LFA Historian. I’m just sitting here, stoking the fire, and trying to stay warm. Sent my mom outside to scrounge up some firewood, but I didn’t bother to tell her that there ARE no trees on the moon. I’m sure she’ll figure that out soon enough. That or die of exposure, whichever comes first. Me on the other hand, I’ll be just fine. I got plenty of things to burn right here, like these old Laugh Force Alpha records and tape reels. I know, I know, aren’t I destroying rare classic comedy? Not at all. Most of this stuff is total crap. But ya got to do what ya got to do to survive a winter on the moon.

What’s that? You didn’t know there was winter on the moon? Well sure, it’s always winter on the dark side of the moon. No snow, but it’s always a couple thousand degrees below zero. It makes skinny dipping a bit difficult, but I like it. Also, what’s up with all the damn prisms?

Anywho, it’s starting to get a little nippy in here, so I think I’ll just burn this one by my foot and… HEY! It’s a Cocaine Pushing Scotsman episode from the early 2000’s! Well, I guess I better post this one… and then I’ll burn it.

Cocaine Pushing Scotsman Pizza Emporium

(Banging on vault door)

Eh, I’m pretty cozy right here. I’ll let her in at sunrise.

Great. Looks like a new billboard popped up overnight, and this one’s hawking a posturepedic bed of nails that claims better lumbar support and bacne-battling capabilities. This is getting ridiculous. Where are these things coming from, and why? Guess it’s time to track down Swiss and the Unibrowed Oil Child…

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Economic turmoil is not unique to these times, or this galaxy for that matter. Recessions were present a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, and even the Dark Lord of the Sith was not immune to their effects.

A Collection Call to Darth Vader

Oh, hello there.  I’m Malthor, henchman to the stars.  Frank Jones is making me post this picture he made in celebration of his favorite holiday of the year: Zombie Jesus Day.  It was supposedly on this day a couple thousand years ago that our lord and savior rose from the grave to feast on the brains of the non-believers.  Now every year, Frank makes us dress up like zombies to roam through Jewish neighborhoods and go knocking door to door demanding potato pancakes as retribution.  Mostly, all we ever get is shot at.  I hate Zombie Jesus Day almost as much as I hate Shank the Irish Day.

Looking awful in green skin paint,

Malthor the Indignant

LFA Historian here, and boy do I have big news.  While shoveling some old Laugh Force Alpha memorabilia into the furnace for warmth today, mostly old Cowboy brand Rectal Thermometers that they took off the market for giving folks mercury poisoning after they shattered in peoples asses, which I do believe every last one did, well it was under all that malarkey that I found a trap door that led to hidden temple filled with horrible booby traps.  Cautiously I descended into the temple.  My Mom came with me.  Well, someone had to make the sandwiches!  Well after riding the cart through the fiery mine shaft, hopscotching the name of Mohamed over the bottomless pit, taking the invisible escalator, and then subsequently being chased by a giant rolling boulder that crushed my Mom, well friends, it was there that I found myself in a secret chamber that held the Holy Grail and an old Frank Jones 8-Track tape.  Well the Knight of the Templar said I could only choose one or the other, so needless to say I hoofed it outta there with a fistful of Super Villain in Training.

You know, Frank Jones was a much different villain years ago.  The Super Villain sketches of yore, or as I like to call them, Frank Jones: The College Years, were less concerned with total world domination, and more obsessed with annoying the general population.  Here’s a clip of  Frank working at the BMV.  I like it!  Why Mom, you haven’t looked THIS thin in years!

Frank Jones: Super Villain in Training - Episode 2: The BMV

Why is everyone on this space station avoiding you? Every time you stumble upon someone, they scatter like cockroaches, giggling and mumbling about Valentine’s Day and medieval weaponry. Hmm. Now you smell something in the air. You’re pretty sure it’s not love…

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