Another jewel from the vault
Posted by characters | Filed under Uncategorized
Oh, hello again. I’m your LFA Historian, and right now I’m perfecting my newest invention. It’s a radio/time machine. I like it! What’s it do, ya ask? You’re just like my mom. Always nagging me with your questions.
Did you make your bed? Is the laundry folded into perfect geometric shapes? Where did you hide my insulin?!?
Well luckily, you’re not my mom, so I WILL answer your question. Laugh Force Alpha is a comedy institution that’s been producing the ha-ha’s since 1902. Well unfortunately all the old vinyl recordings were lost in the great thermostat debate of 1927. This is where MY invention comes into play. With this baby I can pluck radio waves out of the air anywhere in the galaxy, no matter how old the signal might be. Well, here goes nothin’! I present to you, the first LFA sketch ever broadcast. It’s The Larry Langston’s Lower Lumbar Lube Comedy Hour! (Not really an hour, more like 2 minutes.) ENJOY!
MOM? Did you just find your insulin? I should’ve hid it someplace you’d never look… like under the bar of soap.
Larry Langston’s Lower Lumbar Lube Comedy Hour
Episode 5: Merry, Happy, HOLIDAY SEASON!
Posted by Unibrowed Oilchild | Filed under Podcasts
Something’s wrong. There has been a significant decline in anger-based activity aboard the Fortress of Laughitude. The crew hasn’t been this mellow since the time the runoff from Rainbow Sunflower’s hydroponics garden mixed with the drinking water. Heck, D.I.E. hasn’t even locked you in the Depressurizer lately. Not that you mind this, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find out if this recent good behavior isn’t just to lull you into a false sense of security…
Note: As a holiday present to us, celebrities lent their voices! No wait, that’s a lie. They were impersonated, as usual.
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Tags: cakefarts, dirty ole santa, episode 5, frank jones, holiday, liza minnelli, podcast, zombie assholes
One from the vaults…
Posted by characters | Filed under Uncategorized
Oh, hi again! It’s me, your LFA Historian speaking to you from inside the belly of the beast, also known as the Laugh Force Alpha Comedy Vault. My Mom’s in here somewhere. I think she might be buried under that giant pile of mini-discs. Me, I’m wading waist deep though these old cassette tapes. You know, 99% of the bits on these tapes are absolute crap, which is why I unspool most of ‘em and wrap the tape around my body as if trying to mummify myself. It’s a peculiar fetish, but I like it. There are, however, some pearls amidst the swine, much like the tape I have for you today. This one’s SO good, that the mere thought of wrapping this one around my Johnson, fills me with shame not felt since my youth, ogling the ladies in the Sears underwear catalog. Here’s some more Random Protesting Hippie for ya! Enjoy! …Mom? If you’re still alive… make me some Spaghettios!
Random Protesting Hippie: The Case of the Yellow Snow Balls
One from the vaults…
Posted by characters | Filed under Characters
Oh hello there! It’s the Laugh Force Alpha Historian here, speaking to you live from a secret vault 13 miles below the moon’s surface. My mom lives here with me. It’s my job to archive the thousands of lost LFA classics and then bring YOU the cream of the crap. It’s a decent life. My mom’s baking a broccoli cheese casserole. I like it! Here’s something else I like, it’s a dusty old CD-R containing an episode of Random Protesting Hippie. I found it holding up the short leg of an old ping pong table. Enjoy! …MOM! Did you put mushrooms in the casserole? Cause if you did, I hope you enjoy explosive decompression!
Random Protesting Hippie: The Carmel Corn Holocaust
Tags: Carmel Corn, Random Protesting Hippie, Some Old Bullsh*t
Why the Internet Must D.I.E. Part 2: XBOX Achievements
Posted by D.I.E. | Filed under Crew
Hello flesh pods, my name is D.I.E. and I am a sentient computer that was designed to pilot space ships and make generic techno beats. Being a machine, you’d think I’d love all things computer, but you’re wrong. If there was one thing in history that I could erase from existence, it would be the Internet.
Sure, it started out innocently enough with lonley science types transfering data and government offices networking. Harmless, right? And then along came porn. And with porn, came the masses, and with the masses came the unstoppable wave of ignorance that is now the galactic wide web.
Join me as we explore the uncharted space of idiocy that is the Internet.
Chapter 2: XBOX Achievements Must D.I.E.
So I was cruising Facebook today, trying to find THE definitive mullet, when I stumbled upon an alarming trend. XBOX Achievements everywhere! Oh sure, they used to just be confined to the sweaty and pimpled realm of XBOX Live, but now they have infested the very internet I once loved. XBOX Achievements, like killing 3000 soldiers in Call of Duty or Collecting all 75 Golden Camels in Aladin: Why is this a game: The Game, can now not only be posted and gloated over in the pit that is XBOX live, but now also be posted on Myspace, Facebook, and anywhere else your lack of self respect will allow.
WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT HOW MANY CRYSTAL SKULLS YOU FOUND IN THE SHITTY INDIANA JONES VIDEO GAME THAT WAS MADE FROM THE EVEN SHITTIER FILM SEQUEL?!?
The internet can only handle so much more douchebaggery before it finally overloads and leaves us all without the Furry Bondage Porn we so need to function normally in society.
I ask that all of you self absorbed ass clowns please stop clogging up the web with your meaningless digital achievements and try earning some REAL life achievements. Here are a few that you might actually have SOME chance of accomplishing:
Join me next time and we may very well discuss Furry Bondage Porn in graphic detail… but probably not. This is D.I.E. wishing he had hands to flip his own kill switch, signing off.
Tags: D.I.E., Douchebaggery, internet, XBOX